


Ashore

by HostisHumaniGeneris



Category: Original Work
Genre: Crack, Friendship, Gen, Implied Sexual Content, Kaiju, Offscreen Violence, Show Business, Tentacle Monsters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-14 03:38:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15379839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HostisHumaniGeneris/pseuds/HostisHumaniGeneris
Summary: Her brother had dragged her along to 'hit the town', quite literally.  While he was smashing skyscrapers and fighting robot duplicates, she sidled off to the beach, interrupting a very important movie shoot.  However, the star of the film and she happen to hit it off.





	Ashore

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nemirovitch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nemirovitch/gifts).



“Come for a visit, we’ve barely seen each other since the Mesozoic.”

That’s what her brother had said to her to get Kuzira to come, and she fell for it.  Reconnecting with family was fun, but she should’ve known he’d have a ‘big thing’ planned for her, he had a lot of mistaken assumptions about what he thought was fun family activities for her.  He should’ve known she liked to spend her time quietly.  She would’ve turned and headed back for the Marianas trench when he suggested they hit the town.

She never got his fascination with cities.  It made so little sense to her; all those creepy tiny things milling about.  Like, they came down to where she was, at the bottom-est portions of the ocean every so often, and that was unsettling, but he’d go up to see them all the time.

So, while her brother waded ashore, she waited a little before slipping out of the water and trailing behind.  While he wandered the city, picking up a bus and throwing it back down, she sidled off.  With a purposeful grimace and a terrible sound, he pulled some spitting high-tension wires down.  She made a plaintive meeping sound and tripped over volleyball nets on a beach.

Kuzira didn’t like hitting up the town, she didn’t like being around people that much.  So she was content to let him wade through the village towards the center of town while she stayed on the beach.  The explosions and loud noises didn’t do much to dissuade her.  She liked being by herself, or maybe with her family, but they _always_ wanted to make a big deal out of her visits. 

She weighed the value of heading back below the waters to just nap or something.  She wanted to, but he had been so enthusiastic, assuming her she’d enjoy herself, and she could never work up the nerve to point out that she wasn’t really enthusiastic about that sort of thing.  So if she left now, she’d have to explain that to him later, and that would be better?  Worse? 

So she just stayed on the beach, getting a little unnerved when a bunch of the people came from the road.  People weren’t great swimmers, couldn’t even get to the mesopelagic zone without aid, so they probably weren’t evacuating this way, and even if they were, her just being there should’ve scared them off; she wasn’t as tall as her big brother was, but she was still waaaay bigger than they were.

Except they didn’t seem to be paying attention to her, chatting with one another and looking towards the sea.  She followed their gaze as something long and thin emerged from the beach, followed by something similar.  Long, sinewy legs.  One after another.  A dozen, a hundred, more.  All inching towards the people.  All of a sudden one of the people rushed towards the limbs arms raised. 

A mass of tangled tendrils with a quintet of purple eyes popped out from the water and bowed down towards the person rushing to the limbs.  Kuzira could barely make out the whispering of the person and the tentacle monster speaking in human language.  One eye looked in her direction, and they kept talking.  Then another eye, and the talking stopped.  Then the other three eyes.

The thing approached her.

Kuzira hoped the thing didn’t want to fight.  She didn’t like fighting, and her brother was excited because there’d probably be fighting in town, so she mentally rehearsed directing the tentacle creature towards the clouds of smoke and falling skyscrapers as it approached.  It was shorter than she was, so she probably could take it on, and those tentacles didn’t look all _that_ strong.

“Hey, um… you’re kind of blocking our shot.” The thing said, politely.  No threats or growls, she was just nicely asking Kuzira to leave.  Technically that’s how a lot of fights got started apparently, but Kuzira was expecting a ‘back off’ or ‘get the fuck out off my beach’. 

“Oh uh, sorry. ” Kuzira nodded, feeling incredibly awkward.  She scratched scales at the side of her snout. “Uh… who are you.”

“Name’s Wub-Pehtahkat… or Sue Doepod… that’s my stage name.” The tentacle monster said.  “Call me Wub.  You?”

“Kuzira.  And I’m sorry for being in the way, but I am waiting for someone.”

“Who’re you waiting for, girl?” Five eyes blinked in sequence.  She was talking like she and Kuzira were old friends.  It was a little offputting, but she wasn’t throwing rowdy insults at Kuzira, so a fight probably wasn’t imminent.

“I got dragged here by my big brother, and am waiting for him to get done with the place.” She said, looking towards the city.  Through the haze of fire and smoke, she could see he was apparently wrestling a gleaming, metal replica of himself.  “I thought don’t you usually schedule things so you’re not all invading the same city at once?”

“Aaahhh, _him_.  Yeah no, I’m actually not into property destruction.” Wub said, writhing slowly.  “The city-smashers and me, we don’t talk much.  Honestly, probably should… all that smoke in the background is gonna ruin the establishing shots.  Hmm… although maybe a parody monster rampage movie’d work… hold on, lemme talk to the director.  HEY GORO!”

With that Wub’s bulbous eyestalks lowered to the level of the beach.  Almost inaudibly, she burbled at the tiny thing, in its language.  “Okay, yeah, we can definitely change the script, although you’d still be in the way of a lot of shots… unless… you do any acting?”

“Acting?  Not really… although I think I was featured on a documentary about Cryptids and sea serpents on the History channel, once.”  One film crew and she had to avoid her favorite spot in the abysses because so many more submersibles came through.

“Shame.  You ain’t quite what we look for, but I’m sure you’d have a niche.”  Wub said.  “Better racket to be in than what your brother’s up to.”

“What does he do here, anyways?” She asked.  She was never really clear why he kept coming back.  Right now a three-headed dragon was shooting lightning beams willy-nilly across the city, while her brother’s spines started to light up.

“Ah, well, he saves the city.  Or demolishes it.  Depends on the day he shows up really.  Gotta be an easier way of getting by.”  Wub slithered back up to eye level.  “Like me, I’ve got an agreement with these people to make tentacle porn for them.”

She just stared dumbly at the noodly abomination.  “Tentacle porn?”

 Wub giggled, looking at the throngs of tiny things on the beach, then back at Kuzira.  “Oh, you’re _serious_.  Lemme learn you something, kid.”

Keiko leaned in real close and began to whisper.  And explain just exactly why there were a bunch of women lined up at this beach, and just how things would go.  “That’s lewd!”

“Yeah, but _I haven’t been dropped into a volcano_.  Well, a real one, we had one made of paper mache for the finale of one of the films.”  Wub said, eyes bobbing up and down.  “Betcha your brother can’t say that.”

There was that time he hadn’t responded to her letters in a while and his only response for the delay was ‘I don’t want to talk about it’.  “He likes the work…”

“Yeah, I get that, it’s why insurance rates in this town are so goddamn high… my costars told me that, I don’t live here… but I’d still say I’m better off than he is.”  There was a lengthy pause. 

The pause grew uncomfortable and then Kuzira blurted out.  “I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to be judgy when I said that your work was lewd, I’m just… I live in a trench at the bottom of the sea, and well…”

“All alone eh… y’know, we could send you some videos to while away those lonely nights.” The tentacular blob fanned out widely.  When she saw Kuzira back away she blurted out “Oh sorry, I was just screwing with you.  Sorry, sometimes I overstep.”

Apologies out of the way, Wub looked towards the city.  “Well… if you don’t like smashing stuff, and you don’t like… er… smashing wholly consenting human women who are pretending not to be… what do you like to do with your time?”

“I like to travel a bit, where there’s not a lot of people… like one day I’d like to go kinda far inland, but coastlines really have become too built up over the past few centuries and I don’t want to draw too much attention” It was kind of a curse when you were over seventy meters tall and wanted to be secret.  “I dunno.”

“I.  Travel.  Allofthetime!” Wub said emphatically, before going on a spiel.  She’d been all over the place.  They did a video in Egypt and it was so cool, the Pyramids were an awesome backdrop.  Oh, there was that time in Canada.  Kuzira was quite interested in hearing about all of the interesting places she went, even if Wub’s descriptions got a little too… personal for her tastes at times. 

“Wow… I’d like to see all of those places…” That was a little exaggeration on her part.  She didn’t want to go to see the Eiffel Tower, because there were too many people, and she’d assumed that they’d probably assume she was there to knock it down.  But hearing about the Grand Canyon was cool… it was like a trench, with no water!  Astounding.

“You really should go sightseeing.” Wub suggested.

“I dunno..”

“Look, your brother, he stays here, smashes the place up.  Me, I go around the world, but always on business—which is very fun, but I keep busy and never get to see as much as I want to—why don’t you just go, see the things you want to see at your own pace?” Wub asked.

“But all the people…” So many tiny sets of eyes, staring at her.

“What’s the worst they could do?”

“Built a robot doppelganger to punch me in the face?”

“And that never actually works out.” That was punctuated by a massive explosion, and the head of her brother’s robot doppelganger sailing over their head and crashing into the ocean.   “There’s nothing stopping you from livin’ the dream but yourself, girl… and your brother, is he a jerk?”

“No… he’s just trying to include me in things he likes to do.” That’s what made it so hard to not get dragged along.  He was just trying to be friendly.

“So the worst he could do if you told him right now you don’t want to smash a city and fight other monsters… no longer invite you along to doing things you don’t like to do, right?”

“Right.” He’d be a little disappointed, but he wouldn’t let it stop him from smashing cities, and he wouldn’t disown her… so yeah… that worst that could happen was exactly what she hoped _would_ happen.

“So…” Wub said.

“I’m gonna do it!  I’m gonna see the world!”

“Atta girl… now then…” The tentacle monster gestured towards the crowd of people on the ground.  People.  They’d been here the whole time, and Kuzira had been so wrapped up in conversation she hadn’t noticed them… huh… she hadn’t noticed them staring.

“Oh yeah, your shoot.  Sorry!” Kuzira hurried towards the sound of cackling space dragon and atomic hellfire, out of Wub’s way and so she could say goodbye to her brother before she hit the oceans and headed for this ‘Arizona’ where she could find this canyon.  “Um… and sorry again for ruining your movie, but uh… I really enjoyed our conversation.”

Wub, flailing limbs holding dozens of flailing women blinked repeatedly and said “So did I, girl.  Don’t be a stranger!”

And she wasn’t.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This was a perfectly ridiculous tag that I couldn't help but write for.


End file.
